Home Again, Home Again!

“Real life

is taunting me,

seeming more real than the Reality

I know inside my Self. . .

Reality as I know it to be on the Other Side.

People here can seem

as Real as the Beings of Light that

Stand with me,

Stand for me,

through the Darkness here.

In the Dark,

sometimes they all look

and feel the same;

the Light Beings There,

guiding me, guarding me;

the Beings here binding me,

sharing their hearts with me,

touching me--

locking me into lifetimes

of shared Desire, exchanged Pain,

elusive Forgiveness. . .

challenging me,

'til I am Free.”

 

I remember quite clearly resisting being born.  I was not quite in a body, but I could definitely feel the pull and pressures of the birth process, and I was not at all sure I wanted to participate. Having hovered close by through the formation of the body now awaiting the Breathe of Life, I had heard all the many arguments, felt the anger and witnessed the pounding fists and open palms on soft flesh of the beings who would parent me. I found myself reconsidering whether this experience was at all what I had agreed to as I stood aligned with the Karmic Board, infused with the Light of Spirit and the Highest Aspirations for what I could accomplish on this particular Walk-About.

Whatever had I been thinking?

I was clear that I had been in complete agreement with the project the Board and I had mapped out.  At that time, it had seemed overwhelmingly perfect and inspired.  The Board- a collective consciousness, a Multi-Dimensional, All-Knowing Conglomerate Being, so to speak- knew me well and loved me endlessly and unconditionally. It had been that loving that permeated the meeting and our outline of what this lifetime would entail.   Somehow the Mission we agreed upon, the exploration I would do, my next “lesson needed,” had seemed much more fun, exhilarating and do-able when they had all stood with me as I planned and then committed to the trip. 

Already trapped in the energy field of my next birth, I now remembered that I had barely escaped last time I had ventured to the Planet Earth.  Yes, “escape” is the right word, though departing from that world entails physically dying.  BUT, in all honesty, as long as I returned to the “Other Side,” Soul intact (and despite rumors, one’s Soul is ALWAYS intact), I had no problem with that . . . the physical dying part.  In fact, I knew that my ticket BACK to the Planet had been that I kept opting out of the “endure to the end” and “love everything” aspect of my visits to the “so-enchanting-to-others-but-not-to-me” Third Dimension.  I kept thinking I could get away with quitting before my time on Earth was up.

BUT, I wondered as I watched the life I would be born into—how had I gotten into this spot? What was the KEY to me being poised on the precipice of what promised to be a nightmare childhood, struggling to escape the gravitational pull of this Planet Earth 101 lesson? What was my causal factor?  What was I to be learning about?

The answer-- my Heart.  My Empathy, my Sympathy, my Human Caring and my personalized emotional caring for humans had more or less had betrayed me time and time again. I also had continually insisted on JUDGING what goes on on the Planet, calling it BAD and PAINFUL and UGLY and NO FUN AT ALL!

I had once enjoyed the luxury of existing only as a non-corporeal being—a Being of Light and Energy and Sound.  I had been assigned to be a “Guardian Angel," literally and metaphorically, as nothing throughout in the Universes of Light and Sound exists quite the way words and thoughts can capture. A little girl needed support as she was being tortured in some sort of inquisition that could only make sense to an undeveloped and primitive mind of a being evolving on a planet where the “most-likely-to-succeed” beast was an ape.  Hmmm. . .

Bewilderment embraced me as they inflicted pain on this young one of their own kind.  She could not escape the anguish as she was locked into the human form that was all she knew to be herself.  I experienced anger in the form of protectiveness of her. I want to stop her torturer, with force if necessary.  I didn’t realize I was hovering so close to the beings involved in the exchange that because of my innate sensitivity and openness I was FEELING through the emotional energy field that is present around all human beings, and indeed the Planet Earth itself.  

Anyway, I felt the emotions of anger, protectiveness, and rage coursing through me and because of my unfamiliarity with the medium of emotion, I responded by leaping into the child’s body for just a long moment, taking control of the situation and the torturer’s sword.  I killed him, and as other guards surged in to kill me, I was overcome with fear and unable to exit the body I had taken over.  Thus I was trapped in Form, with the karma of intense emotions of fear, rage, anger, protectiveness, and the state of empathy and extreme emotional sensitivity locked into to my energy body at a very deep level.   The DRAMA of the situation had trapped me.  I had gone from observing and monitoring the scene with loving support, to participating, driven by emotions of the basest and most human sort.

Thus, I began a journey of many lifetimes on Earth with my destination/goal being to break Free again and go “Home” for good—which for me, I thought, was back to an Existence exclusively in a non-corporeal Light Form.  The problem is/was that to actually do that, to break free of the pull and karma of Earth, one needs to fully LIVE on Earth.  One needs to EXPERIENCE BEING HUMAN.  One needs to respond emotionally and physically, as well as on all other human levels, as though the Dream of life here on Earth is both Real and Unreal at the same time. One must live the Dream fully and completely, while also knowing it to be a Dream with every fiber of one’s being.  Like patting one’s proverbial conscious mind, rubbing one’s proverbial human tummy and whistling Amazing Grace in the spheres beyond all time and space.

Not easily done.  But, here I am again, on Earth—learning to do that, learning to live HERE in Peace and Loving, following my Heart. . . doing Good, doing God.  AND-- I am learning to enjoy that, to have FUN, to LAUGH at all of it, and to PLAY here, because that is where the FREEDOM comes in for me-- and how the LOVING fills and fulfills me, and lives through me. 

I know now that that can and does take me Home again. 

I have learned and experienced that I AM HOME when I am doing that.  When I am BEING Love, here or anywhere in the Universes, I AM HOME—no matter what form I am living in or where I am at.  I know that Love is everywhere, and God/Spirit/What Is/Hu/Om (whatever name we call It) is LOVE.  So when I AM and DO Love, I am HOME.

All I See is Part of Me. . .

One day I was searching on-line to buy a children's book to give my grandson-- a book called "All I See is Part of Me," by Chara Curtis.  I found myself saying the title over and over as I did my Google search.  After repeating that phrase in mind my twenty-five or thirty times, I had an “ah-ha” moment when I really “got” how true that title is-- all I see IS part of me.

As a psychologist, one thing I recognize is that I, and people in general, only judge and rail against qualities, actions and situations we aren’t willing to own in ourselves.  For example, my pet peeve for years was ANGER.  I just couldn't understand how people could throw anger around in their relationships and in the world to the degree that they do.  I couldn't “grok” violence or choosing to abuse other people. I judged other people mightily when they expressed their anger or did things I saw as violent.

Then one day, almost overnight, I reached a point in my life when, after participating in a long string of abusive relationships,  I had allowed myself to get so hurt that my anger just burst out of the psychological “closet” in which I had hidden it.  Suddenly I was spewing anger; I was doing and saying hurtful things; I was being violent.  I was appalled at my own expression, but at the time, I really couldn’t stop it.  It seemed beyond my control. (Of course, it wasn’t, but it had grown so large while hidden in my “closet,” it felt too big to control.)

That time has passed for me.  With a lot of self-examination and therapy, I was able to come to terms with that dark place in my psyche.  I am now much more my usual peace-filled, loving, kind self . . . but what I learned from that challenging period of my life has stayed with me.  I realized as I worked through all those feelings, that I had JUDGED other people's anger and violence BECAUSE I had a deep pocket of it inside of me I wouldn’t acknowledge nor have anything to do with, so I was only seeing it “out there.” 

I had had a pretty nasty childhood.  As I grew up, I promised myself I would never be like the people around me, abusing and hurting others.  I decided I would ALWAYS be loving and “nice,” no matter what.  To accomplish that, I simply hid what would have been NORMAL responses to being mistreated and hurt.  I did not even acknowledge that such responses . . . like hurt and anger . . . existed inside of me; which seemed to work in a way. But the choice on my part to ignore those feelings and taking a “blind eye” to the transgressions against me by those who should have been caretaking and loving me,  did not really make the reality of the way I was being treated nor my very human responses to that go away. Instead, those dark feelings inside of me got bigger and bigger over the years, no matter how much of a Light Being I tried to be.  And since I was very busy pretending no abuse and no bad feelings had happened, I continued to repeat relationship patterns that mirrored my primary childhood relationships. Yucky.

Then one day I hit the "tipping point."  An act of true ignorance and insensitivity against me by someone I loved and trusted implicitly released all of it. . . all the anguished hurt and all the raging angry feelings I had hidden, and hidden from, over the years.  And when those feelings poured out of me, they came out somewhat “out of control” and inappropriately.  They definitely came out in hostile, violent ways.

I was surrounded by loving family and friends at the time, who really understood what was happening for me because they had seen me allow the hurt and store the anger over the years.  I also had access to some excellent counselors, who helped me understand the “dark” feelings I was so unfamiliar with.  I learned what I had not learned growing up—that I needed to pay attention to the way people treat me and how I feel about the way they treat me.  I need to notice whether or not, in all honesty, they are doing or saying hurtful things.  If, indeed, their words and/or actions are damaging to me, I need to say “STOP,” tell them what my needs are, and if things don’t change, I need to be willing to leave.  Simple, but effective. By finally seeing and feeling my anger and the hurt beneath it, I finally found a way of BEING in my life that keeps me safe, healthy and happy—so I don’t have to feel and be hurt and angry anymore.

PLUS—BIG BONUS-- I find that when I see people lashing out at other people, or being angry and hurtful as a way of being, or even being violent in their relationships with others and the world. . . I am more forgiving of them.  I now understand the pain they are in.  I know that deep down inside of them, buried under a lot of hurt and twisted reactions, they are essentially good people— Light Beings actually-- simply doing "bad" things out of wounded places inside of them.  And they don't need my JUDGEMENTS.  If anything they need my compassion and understanding-- and if I am in a position to SAFELY do it, I can offer them assistance.

Before I became aware of my own anger and the violent aspects of myself and the damaged places that lay underneath that, I felt frightened of other people’s aggressive actions when I perceived them. I felt the world was a profoundly scary place, and that I had no control over the violence certain human beings express.  Now I find I feel “the Heart of life is good” (to quote John Mayer)—and that everyone here on the planet essentially wants the same things for themselves and others—to love and be loved, to be safe and extend safety, to survive and even to thrive in this place.   And I see that even when people are expressing and acting in ways that seem to indicate the exact opposite.  I know that no one really chooses to live in and from such a Dark place.  Really, they have simply been hurt enough that they forget the place inside themselves that cares, the place where Light lives.  AND the way to resurrect that Light place is not by pretending to be good nor by denying the hurt, but rather by being honest about those feelings and learning to communicate them and to work out ways of being in the world that take care of themselves, and take care of other people too.

Now, knowing all that, when I look out into the world and see a person or a group of people seemingly doing great harm to themselves and/or to others, and I find myself swimming in my self-righteous judgments of them—I have a process I use to move myself back into my Loving and Compassion.

1) When I find myself observing other people and judging them, I remind myself that “all I see is part of me.”

 2) I look hard inside of myself to see if there is a part of me that is like the other person. . . maybe emotionally, maybe behaviorally, maybe just in what I fanaticize about saying or doing, or what I think and feel.  If a similarity is not immediately clear-- I look around inside myself to see if there is a part of me that could be or behave that way, if I were “constructed” differently (psychologically), or if I had been raised the way that person was raised, or if I had lived in the situation that person lived or lives in.  Usually, I can find a place inside of me where I can answer that question YES at the end of my introspection.

3) Then I forgive MYSELF for being that way-- either now or in the past, openly or covertly—now or somewhere in the vast Universe of past or future potentialities.  And I accept that part of myself, I own it.  I extend Loving to it.  (From that position, I may also decide to work on myself to shift it, if it is an actual behavior or attitude that currently going on.) 

4) Finally, I forgive the other person/people for being how they are and doing what they are doing.

5) If there is any action I need to take to insure my own safety, I take that.  If I can contribute anything positive to the other person’s situation, and if that feels appropriate, I do that.  Then I simply let it all go and get on with my life, doing good wherever I can—taking care of myself and helping to take care of others.

A man I greatly admire and a friend,  John-Roger, noted, “When you forgive yourself your own stupidity,
ignorance and lack of knowledge (or your own anger, hurt and violence), you forgive everybody else in the same instant. And at that moment, you're moving into enlightenment.”  He also commented that if we could see into the Hearts of our enemies and experience their deepest hurts and fears, we would have nothing but Compassion and Forgiveness for them.  I have found that it is also important to look into our own Hearts this way, with complete honestly and openness discerning our own deepest wounds.  Once we do that and experience Compassion and Forgiveness for ourselves, having it for others just comes naturally.

 

Healing the Upset. . .

Usually I find that when I feel upset about someone else's behavior (seemingly)-- the bottom-line is that I am angry with myself for putting myself in that particular situation. Usually I have made what someone else thinks or feels about me more important than taking care of myself-- or then I have made how they behaved towards or said to me more important than staying in my loving and support of myself. I, at some point, stop being my own Champion, my own Beloved-- and I abandon myself/Self AND my Truth.

The only way I have found to resolve the situation is to come back to my Self, to be honest and acknowledge my own abandonment, my self-judgments and my lack of Loving towards myself. I have to quit looking "out there" at all-- no matter how good it would feel to get lost in my anger and righteousness towards the other person. I have to stop and stand within myself-- and do self- forgiveness, self-loving and self-reconciliation-- for as long as it takes to get back to just being ME, happy and in Loving with myself.

Then, if need be, I can choose to handle anything that needs to be handled with the other person. But often, I just no longer care about what went on in the world-- "out there."

Self-Loving. . .

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

“I am a good person. I deserve good things”—the thoughts drifted through my Mind. I was overwhelmed by a sense of abundance as I stood looking out over the flowers and vegetables I had planted that were now growing contentedly in the damp earth.

My thoughts expanded to include awareness of my children, my friends, the people I had touched in my life . . . people I had given to. Tears came to my eyes as I stepped back into the kitchen and murmured words of appreciation to my partner as he labored over our kitchen renovation. Even that action triggered deep appreciation in me for the way I support and value the people I interact with every day. I wept as I spontaneously experienced the Radiance of my own Beingness and the Beauty of my own Soul.

Ego-istic? No, it was definitely not an ego position, definitely not an ego awareness of myself. THAT perception of me is often critical and acknowledging only of my shortcomings. I had stated my daily intention on-line just moments before I stepped into my garden. My Daily Intention was – “to receive, to acknowledge, to enjoy the Loving and Support that is always present for me in my life.” At the time I wrote those words, I had been thinking in terms of “outside in”—that is, of the loving and support that other people offer to me every day, that I thought I might be overlooking.

I was not expecting the Loving and Support to flood me from the Inside Out. I did not realize that I was the One whose love, support, acknowledgment and appreciation I had been missing. I hadn’t seen that that loving and support was the only loving and support that really mattered to me, the only sustenance that could fill me up completely. Indeed my own adoration and approval were things I craved to the Core of my Beingness. And, until that moment, when all that appreciate of myself had come rushing through me in response to the Intent I had set, I had not known for sure and unequivacobly that I am a good person and deserving of good things, most especially my own Loving.

How often is that true of all of us? How often do we look out into the world for loving and support and then feel frustrated because either we don’t get it or we are not able to perceive it because it doesn’t look, feel or sound like we thought it would. (“You are the only one on the planet who knows how to love you exactly the way you need to be loved.” J-R Hinkins) How often do we actually miss whatever love and support might be coming in from the world because we are so busy judging and evaluating ourselves, and finding ourselves lacking in some way? Or, best case scenario, how often are we simply so busy loving and supporting others that we simply forget to share some of that “Soul/Heart Nutrition” with ourselves?

So, my question to myself became: “How can I make my own loving and support more available to myself? How might any of us do that at any time?” The question boggled my mind for a moment, and then I realized that the answer was present for me within the context of my own life. I have many loving relationships with others in my world. I decided I would look at what I do to create those amazing relationships and do those same things with myself:

1. Say “I love you” a lot—by name, to my face, and at unexpected moments during the day. When I see myself reflected in the mirror or a window I am passing. . . when I am sitting or walking or working at my computer. . . before I go to sleep at night, these are all good times for me to murmur that phrase to myself with caring. “I love you.”

2. Acknowledge myself. Notice the good things I do as I do them . . . or when I remember I did them . . . or when I notice the results. . or when other people point them out. Pay attention to the things I do right and well and note them to myself consciously and out loud. “YAY ME! I did GOOD!”

3. Appreciate my GREAT traits and qualities, not just what I do. Notice what is cool about me, stuff that just is, that I have no control over. Hear it when other people comment on things they like about me. Really take all that in, instead of passing it off or denying it. Revel in it! Repeat it to myself:

“Wow—you look great!”

“You have such pretty eyes!”

“You are so SMART!”

“You are an AMAZING human being!”

“You have a great sense of humor!”

“You are so clever.”

4.Celebrate myself by giving myself all the same delightful experiences I give to others I love--flowers, chocolate, special moments, little gifts, walks in the park, dinner at my favorite restaurant, going to see that movie I want to see that no one else is interested in. Simply GIFT myself with reminders I am special and loved.

5. Enjoy BEING ME! The fact is, I cannot be anyone BUT myself this lifetime—so I may as well thoroughly ENJOY it, by choice! “I CHOOSE me! I am BLESSED to be me!! I am delighted by it! I own it! I love it! I appreciate everything about the “ME” experience! I may as well accept and HAVE FUN with that one aspect of my life I cannot change! Say it out loud-- “I LOVE BEING ME!”

SELF-LOVE— a love that, throughout history, has been portrayed as evil and the source of great harm between people. But really, is self-love bad? I would argue that it is not self-love, but rather the lack of it that moves people to do harm towards others. I would also note that self-loving, coupled with healthy empathy and compassion, is the Source of the ability to share GOODNESS with others. When self-love is borne and reflective of the Love of one’s Soul for one’s human self, we become more capable of loving other human beings, and of sharing the fullness of loving we experience and carry within ourselves with them, without fear of loss or “not-enoughness.” When we are happy and full within ourselves, when we feel safe and content with our own inner relationship, we become more capable of loving others and we have more good stuff to give. When our own cup is full, because we have filled it with our own “love and affection,” we have LOTS of extra to share!

FREEDOM. . .

"The more fun you have, the more detached you can be from the circumstances of your life. You can cease to be obsessed by money, by how you look, by how you compare with other people, by your need for approval. You can still have fun in the midst of it all." ~ JR w/Paul Kaye

A friend and I were talking the other day about the irrelevancy of worrying about other people liking or loving you. I realized I used to do that a lot, and sometimes still fall into that pattern. When I am concerned about how I measure up to other people's standards, I find I am far less comfortable with myself, less confident, less centered, less free-- and ultimately I have far less fun.

Whether other people like me, love me or respect me is never in my hands. It is in their hands. I am lucky in that I was blessed with a personality that most people enjoy-- and I use that to do as much good as I can. But, paradoxically, when I care most about someone liking or loving me-- it seems to work less well. I think that is because I give up a part of myself to the other person when I try too hard to earn their good graces. I become less of “a person,” less of my Self, than I am usually.

Lately, I find I care less about what other people think of me than what I THINK OF ME. I also care less about being loved than being loving. I care less about being liked and enjoyed than I care about liking and enjoying myself and my own life. Because of that, I am happier. . . and feel more fulfilled. An extra bonus is that I have more FUN, laughter, Lightness and joy inside of me and that is available for me to share with other people.

I am also being more honest these days-- and I find somehow people like that a lot too. My honesty is often insightful. It is always REAL-- and people know where they stand with me all the time. My honest statements are often oddly funny, I think because what I say is so much a simple statement of "what is" that it makes people laugh. I also have more freedom when I am honest. I don't have to try to be someone I am not; trying takes a lot of effort. Being honest is easy, because I don't have to monitor what I say and/or do. I can just BE more of the time. Life is simpler and I have more energy for other things.

Another interesting thing to me is that lately I have been experiencing myself as one of the wealthiest people I know, even though materially I might not be defined that way by many people. By my definition, I am RICH; I love and enjoy myself and I am loved and surrounded by amazing people who adore me-- and who enjoy being with me and letting me be with and love them, however I do that. I do not struggle to meet other people’s standards of "perfection” or success, as I might have felt I should in the past. I just don’t think that is important. As I have gotten older, having survived some intense challenges by Life and Spirit, I have given up on being some ideal me that exists only as an image in my mind or in other people’s. I have moved more into alignment with WHO I AM, as I stand, which I am finding is a natural state of Perfection that we perceive only when allow ourselves to simply be who we are, with no artifice. It is a state filled with PURITY of a sort, if that makes sense-- and for me that state, that way of Being, is innocent, profoundly fun and funny, and happy beyond belief.

 Also, exploring what freedom is for me these days, I find that by focusing on having fun and enjoying my life, and by simply being who I am, I automatically attract those people capable of being that way with me. Everyone else, all those who can't do or be that, just drop away. At first, having that happen felt like “loss” to me, but of late I am realizing that by surrounding myself with people who are who they are and let me be me, I am creating and enjoying even more Freedom to be who I AM—and to have tons of FUN with that.

Just to play a bit, I decided to end this blog post with a kind of silly acronym:

F- Forget to TRY, simply BE and DO!

R- Really be REAL!

E- Enjoy your life as it is.

E- Enjoy being YOU!

D- Do your best; that’s all you can do.

O- Own your Truth . . . own what is SO for you.

M- Mean what you say, say what you mean.

What Is the Point?

I wake up some mornings Wondering—   What is the point of this place?   What is the point of my life?   I forget.   WOW— sometimes, I just get just so busy, I don’t see it anymore.   The Point. The Reason I am here.   And when I forget that I feel Desolate. Confused. Alone.   So, sadly, I keep asking myself— “What is the point. . .?   The Whole Point?   And how do I find that?”   Then a Voice in my Heart gently reminds me, “Beloved, Just be QUIET. Just be STILL. Just BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE.”   And when I do that. I find my Peace, And in my Peace, I remember:   I am here To do Good, because I can. . . and because that is all I see to do when I look "out there" from deep inside of me.   I say kind words cos that's all there is to say when I speak from my Heart.   I am Loving here Of you and me cos that makes sense to me when I am  with myself at the end of the day.   I am Loving here because that Is how I live most fully.   I give here Because that is how I receive most completely.   The simple Truth is— I give Loving here to get Loving. Not from others, But from deep inside of me.   When I share Love, It fills me up first. It becomes me, And then it overflows into the world.   I re-discover, The whole point is I am Love. Love is Me. I just need to live my life that way.   It’s simple, when I remember. . . Love Is All there Is. It is the Reason for everything.

 

 

God Only Knows

“God only knows, I don’t,
 what keeps me laughing.”
~Rumi

Sometimes lately, I find myself consumed with the weight of yet another round of pain and misery involving the people around me, the world I live in and myself.  I am afraid for my own well-being and ability to survive.  I am terrified that my children might suffer irreparable failure or pain, or that my friends may be defeated in their quest for happiness and success.  I am overwhelmed with the sense that this world is a hurt, mean, scary, unloving, unsupportive place—and I cannot do anything to change that.  I ask myself repeatedly how I can continue to live here, when life consistently falls so short of my Vision, of my expectations.  WHAT IS THE POINT?  This place simply sucks-- and WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?

Depression.  Helplessness.  Hopelessness.  I feel it inside of me and hear similar feelings expressed by those around me.  As a counselor I understand these feelings, but/and as a human being I find them just as challenging to deal with as my clients and/or friends do. In these times of great challenges, I have found there is a way to come to terms with these feelings and deal with difficult situations effectively.

STEP ONE: Acknowledge what is going on—don’t run from it. Don’t try to hide.  Sit down someplace quiet and private . Take a deep breath and simply focus on whatever is  going on in your life that is disturbing to you. Think about everything.  Observe it, but without judging it or trying to resolve anything.   Pay attention to all the details and how notice how you feel about it, what you are  thinking.  Just sit with the situation.  Be still and present.  Let it all BE exactly the way it is.

STEP TWO: Change your focus—look around and notice nice things around you.  Feel the air on your skin.  Notice the  daffodil breaking through the soil nearby.  Perhaps there are children laughing or a bird singing that you can hear.  Just notice your environment and the beauty that is innately present in it. Then count your blessings, whatever those might be.  Perhaps a starting point is being grateful  that you can hear that bird or see the daffodil.  Perhaps the blessings in your life include a loving family, a great mate, a job you love, more than enough money coming into your household, a home.  Perhaps your blessings are different than those I have named, but whatever your blessings are, take a moment to notice them. Simply pay attention to all the Goodness in your life for a few minutes and “fill up your cup.”  Then express Gratitude for all of it—on paper or out loud or in your mind. “I am grateful for. . . “  The purpose of this step is to BALANCE the weight of all the negativity you have been witnessing or experiencing. Doing this will shift your psychological perspective. The situations in your life that have been troubling you will still exist, but they won’t be so in the forefront of your thoughts/conscious focus.

STEP THREE: Acknowledge your lack of CONTROL—come present with your “powerlessness.”    CONTROL has been called the MASTER ADDICTION.  I believe that is an accurate assessment from what I have observed in myself and others.  In all truthfulness, I think most of us would like to control everyone and everything, so loss, lack, fear or pain would never occur in our world.  But, also in all truthfulness, we have little to no control over many circumstances in the outside world.  We cannot control other people’s thoughts, feelings, opinions, actions or reactions.  It doesn’t even matter that we think we might see a better path for others to take or a more effective  way of doing things.  That just doesn’t matter.  The world just keeps on spinning the way it spins.  And most people keep doing the things they need or want to do, to learn what they need to learn and/or to create for themselves.  Most situations  and circumstances, even those that impact us (directly or indirectly), often seem to originate outside our personal sphere of influence (i.e.: the collapse of the job market and/or housing industry, loved ones’ deaths, the economy  and political environment, the outcome of loved ones’ relationships, other people’s decisions, etc. , etc.)

While I am extremely committed to the philosophy and practice of being personally accountable and responsible for every aspect of one’s life, the fact is many situations in everyone’s  life seem to be precipitated by other people’s choices and actions, and by circumstances that seem to be dictated by something many folks call Fate or Destiny or Karma or Higher Power.  SO, to me, at some point, we need to acknowledge that we are NOT IN CHARGE of everything.  Actually, in all honesty, we are not in charge of most things.  Even if we are as conscious, responsible and accountable as we can possibly bring ourselves to be, we are not creating all of this that happens to and around us, so we cannot UNcreate it either.

STEP FOUR:  Take action in the areas that are yours to handle—be empowered in the arenas you can control.  Each individual can think good thoughts about whatever is going on. We can look for the hidden gifts, the learning experiences, the unexpected blessings that might be present in unpleasant circumstances.  We can adjust our perception so we can feel okay about whatever is going on.  We can do things that make us happy—having another cup of great coffee, take your dog for a walk, meditating, kissing, reading a good book, taking a hot bubble bath or whatever we might find that reminds me that life here is GOOD. 

We can also do good.  We can love and encourage the people around us through their hard times. We can assist them if we have the resources to do that.  We can do service in bigger arenas if that is available. We can make sure that our personal world stays as fun, safe, loving and healthy as possible– and we can share all that with our loved ones, family and friends.  We can take care of OURSELVES and our own ten acres, so we can be a point of solace, sanity and laughter  for others when they need that.  


In “A New Earth,” Eckhart Tolle notes that acceptance is not “a passive state . . . in reality it is active and creative because it brings something entirely new into this world” (296).  That “new” thing acceptance brings into the world is Peace, and then “surrendered action” (296). The Peace I find through acknowledging and accepting Life as it shows up, and the shift I can make into a positive state of loving, enjoying and valuing my life, even in the face of whatever heartache and hardship that I see present in the world or that seems to threaten my own personal existence, is a Gift I can give to myself no matter what is happening around me and regardless of world events or challenges in my own or my loved ones’ lives.  It is also a gift I can share with others when they are going through difficult times. 

Additionally, I find that this state of Acceptance and Peace allows me to see what is and is not mine to do in any given situation.  It precipitates clarity and often results in me saying just the “right words” or taking the “perfect” action.” Tolle refers to this as “surrendered action,” which he considers to be the way Peace “enters this world” as a result of acceptance  being present (296).  

Acceptance is clearly not “giving up” or being submissive to the circumstances, and it is not apathy.  It is the act of coming present with and acknowledging the facts of a situation, and then choosing to do what I can, first inwardly, and then, if appropriate, out in the world to better the situation. Acceptance allows me to honestly and clearly distinguish between that which I have power to change, and that which I do not.

For me, I have come to see, simply, that being happy doesn’t mean that everything in Life is perfect. It means that I have seen the imperfections and decided to look beyond them, focusing instead on the inherent Beauty, Loving and Goodness of Life.  I have decided to be happy, just as I am, just as Life is.

After that I just do what I can do.

 

Citation: 

Tolle, E. (2005). A New Earth. London: Penguin Books