All the parts of me. . .learning

I need the Teacher.

I need my Little Girl.

I need that Angel

inside of me.



I need the stories.

I need the memories.

I need the pictures.

I need the words

I hold in my Heart.



I am the slave-girl.

I am the Queen.

I am the “poor girl” dead in the streets.

I am the Priestess leading the Priests.

I am the Leper.

I am the woman sold for her “sweets.”

I am the little one left at the Home.

I am the mother dying alone.

I am the loved one with so much to share.

I am the hated no one sees there.

I am forgotten by all who I knew.

I am remembered by only a Few.



I need my Witness.

I need my Scribe.

I need my Knowledge.

I need my Bliss.

I need my Ignorance.

I need my Gifts.

I need my Sheepish One.

I need my Shamed.

I need the part of me thirsty for Fame.

I need my Hatred.

I need my Love.



I need ALL OF ME. . . so

my Innocence

can learn

the Wisdom

that lies here for me.



In Heaven

I Am

while on Earth.



I am One today. . .

I need the Teacher.

I need my Little Girl.

I need that Angel

inside of me.



I need the stories.

I need the memories.

I need the pictures.

I need the words

I hold in my Heart.



I am the slave-girl.

I am the Queen.

I am the “poor girl” dead in the streets.

I am the Priestess leading the Priests.

I am the Leper.

I am the woman sold for her “sweets.”

I am the little one left at the Home.

I am the mother dying alone.

I am the loved one with so much to share.

I am the hated no one sees there.

I am forgotten by all who I knew.

I am remembered by only a Few.



I need my Witness.

I need my Scribe.

I need my Knowledge.

I need my Bliss.

I need my Ignorance.

I need my Gifts.

I need my Sheepish One.

I need my Shamed.

I need the part of me thirsty for Fame.

I need my Hatred.

I need my Love.



I need ALL OF ME. . . so

my Innocence

can learn

the Wisdom

that lies here for me.



In Heaven

I Am

while on Earth.



I am One today. . .

different than even I was yesterday,

different than I will Be tomorrow.



Tomorrow

I will be whatever Spirit needs me to be,

so I can learn. . .

so I can Teach. . .

so I can Become. . .

so I can Be

what I am Here to Be



for Spirit

and for me.

"Have-to's" vs "Must-do's"

 

“What is happiness except simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” ~Camus

I read a blog a few weeks ago that discussed the difference between activities that are "have-to’s”-- and activities one MUST-DO because one's INNER BEINGNESS demands it and/or is fulfilled by it and so drives one to do it. I had two reactions to this blog-- the first feeling was almost a sense of "offense" at this differentiation. Right now, I see a lot of people who can't feed their families or pay their mortgages. Those people are rightfully concerned about the have-to’s in their lives right now—they have-to pay their mortgage, get a job, feed their families, move on with their lives. I am sure they do not spend too much time contemplating what their Soul is calling them to do . . . what they must do to feel fulfilled at the highest level. These people are operating a lot in survival mode, or the lower levels of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs. I felt a little bit like the commentary of the blog was directed at folks who already have all the basic life-sustaining resources-- and then some-- in place. It seemed a little uppity and pretentious to me, so I almost dismissed it.

But, after those initial thoughts and feelings passed through my mind, I realized that I had an additional, very deep conflict going on inside of me about the "must-do" vs. "have-to" concept. As I worked in my garden after reading the post, I noticed I was struggling to delineate what was meant by each of the phrases the author had chosen to use. I strained to determine which category the various situations of my own life fell into. I thought – “Well, my must-do, Soul-urged and Spirit-fulfilling activities are probably things like gardening, painting, writing, the way I love to counsel/coach people, dance, redecorate spaces or whatever. My have-to's are probably like when I was a single mom supporting my kids, with bills to pay and a house to run. The aspects of my work that aren't so much fun and are just the means to the end of getting a deal done or making the money might well qualify as have-to’s-- or perhaps things like cleaning the toilet and shower or taking care of my puppy dog's sore butt when she gets yet another urinary tract infection would meet the have-to criteria.

The terms have-to and must-do made sense when I looked at them from that perspective. And clearly, it is more fun to live a life directed by fulfilling one's INSPIRATION, rather than simply doing what one needs to do to survive and live. But, strangely, even with that cognitive understanding in place, I still felt conflicted about putting various situations of my life neatly into two categories like that. Something about it just didn't feel right.

Then, a day later, again, while working in my garden, I realized that I was conflicted with the labeling exercise because very little in my life falls into the have-to category anymore . . . no matter how mundane, unpleasant or "uninspiring" it seems. I was excited by this realization, but for a moment I didn’t understand how that could be so. As I reached to pull some pesky weeds, I realized the reason I have few have-to’s anymore is because I choose to do everything from my Heart and with Great Loving. The moment I make that choice and activate my Loving with whatever I am doing—the activity immediately becomes a must-do because it fulfills my Heart and my Loving. It feels no different inside of me to clean the toilet (or my dog's butt) with loving-- to do the least pleasant aspects of my work (or gardening) from a place of deep service—to or fulfill the lowest of my life responsibilities as though I were giving that as a gift to myself, others and Spirit, than it feels to paint that cool picture I envision-- or write that moving poem-- or meditate—or dance-- or reach out to those who come into my life asking for my advice and/or Wisdom about their life dilemmas-- or etc.. The reason it had been so difficult for me to divide my life activities into these two categories was because the things I do don't FEEL different to me. I could only make the have-to/must-do delineation in my HEAD—not my HEART!

The only MUST-DO in my life at this point is to Love and be Loving. THAT drives everything I do and transforms everything I am involved with. It even transforms a “have-to” to a must-do.” My Heart sings through every activity as long as I am fulfilling the Loving inside of me—as long as I know myself to be Divine and every activity I participate with to be a Holy event. It isn't WHAT I do that is a MUST, but rather HOW I choose to do it that makes a difference. Choosing that HOW is what drives and inspires me these days.

Life is not always easy or fun, nor filled with “first choice” activities-- but regardless of that, I can always CHOOSE LOVE. That is, ultimately, a MUST-DO for all of us!

The Gift of Crazy!!

 Crazy keeps you from going insane, and it is God's way of getting you to crack up, as in smile and laugh, at yourself and the situation." ~ John-Roger

A small-minded man I know called a woman I love “a nut-case" in the midst of a disagreement. I found his label annoying, since, while he is a creative musician, he is clearly under-developed in his awareness of people and the Universe in a particular way. Anything he doesn't understand, that doesn't fit in his box, that isn't the "norm" gets neatly labeled "crazy" and tucked away in his “nut-case” box forever. Isn't that what so many people do with so many people they just don't "grok." And isn't that what so many people do with ways of life, ideas and concepts that don't match their own? They simply label them WRONG. And "crazy" is a really easy way to make someone or something wrong, because our culture doesn't value "craziness" and doesn’t understand how important exploring some of that state can be to being healthy.

As both a psychologist and a minister, I have found that sometimes, as people do Inner Work to break free of the mental and emotional cages they find themselves imprisoned in, they must explore aspects of themselves that other people simply hide from. Through this self-exploration, they learn about themselves and often become better people-- healthier, stronger and more compassionate. "

There is a wonderful quote by Maya Angelou in which she suggests (paraphrased) that we "invite our Demons in for tea or soup. . . and get to know them better. . . become friends with them," if we are ever to completely know ourselves and find True Peace and Compassion.

Rumi also spoke frequently of "madness" as being a legitimate and necessary aspect of one’s search for and finding of a deeply personal, intimate relationship with Spirit and Oneness with the Beloved. Take for example the following poem:

“The nafs is a sea of calm until it roars.

The nafs is a Hell that radiates little heat.

The nafs is an ankle-deep river you drown in.

Better to be ignorant of worldly concerns,

better to be mad and flee from self-interest,

better to drink poison and spill the water of life,

better to revile those who praise you,

and lend both the capital and the interest to

the poor, forgo safety and make a home in danger.

Sacrifice your reputation and become notorious.

I have tried caution and forethought;

from now on I will make myself mad.”

~Rumi

Perhaps being "crazy"-- or a "nut-case," as this person described my friend-- is simply a matter of being sane enough, sensitive enough and "free" enough to explore, express and BE outside the box that so many people, including, obviously, even some artistic, seemingly "creative" people inhabit. Perhaps it is simply about being a big enough person to embrace all aspects of oneself, including those that are somewhat uncomfortable and “dark.” And perhaps it is having the courage to not always match other people’s models.

I find that as I have become older-- more mature, healed and Whole-- and more attuned to and aligned with What Is, I have simply stopped labeling people so randomly. I look for the Best and the Good in everyone. I try to find qualities to enjoy about people, even if I do not necessarily understand them. I withhold my judgment of what is "normal," right and good more and more often, because I am acutely aware that I may not be seeing the whole picture. I allow room for the possibility that there may be something about the person or situation that is outside my range of experience and my value judgments.

John-Roger Hinkins also noted that if we could see into the deepest corners of our enemies’ Hearts, indeed the darkest corners of their Souls, we would have nothing but Compassion for them-- so why not have that Compassion, even if we are not able to peer that far into another person's Beingness. We can CHOOSE, even in OUR darkness, to have that big of a Heart . . . to be that Divine!