Peace

 "When you find yourself in the midst of a storm in your life,it's an opportunity to call out to peace. Peace is present, it's at hand, and you have the opportunity to bring the stillness of peace into your life. If it seems as if the world is coming against you, you're charged with the responsibility of not returning the againstness and, instead, absorbing it into your consciousness and not letting it return into the world.

That is part of stopping the war and the conflict-- to be one who refuses to return the conflict into the world. You do have the consciousness within you that can take the againstness, the negativity, and transmute it. That's part of the value of going into higher consciousness: you gain a greater ability to hold the Light and hold the energies that will transmute the negativity of this world."

- John Morton
 
I have found myself often observing that throughout history some well-known people met all kinds of personal attacks and all kinds of criticism by doing just what is spoken of above-- by simply doing nothing "like" in return, by simply staying in their Peace and staying on course.  I haven’t seen this response as often lately as I would like to.  It seems that even our current Leaders cannot do this powerful act of simply not returning the againstness and instead “absorbing” it into their consciousness and . . . transmuting it into compassion and understanding. 

 I am moved and inspired by the example of the people I have read about who have been able to make this choice to be for Peace.  People like Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Leo Tolstoy and others have always stood out as people I wanted to honor by the way I lived my own life.

 But, the fact is, I find it challenging to make this conscious choice for Peace at times in my own life . . . at least in ways that allow me to stay healthy, in ways that are not simply about "stuffing" my feelings of resentment and anger deep inside me where they toxify me. My Modus Operandi for many years was being "nice" all the time, no matter what-- even when that did not match what I was feeling.  Eventually I came to feel that I was being "loving" only because I had to, because I "should" be, because it was the right thing to do-- and not because I wanted to be loving, not because I was choosing it, not because it was truly my inner state of being.

 So eventually, as a result of my silence, I allowed enough people to heap enough hurt upon me to blow me completely apart-- and out of my Loving Heart.  For several years, my anger, resentment and hurt sat very close to the surface-- and, as a result, I expressed them often and vehemently-- which was neither who I am at my most core level, nor was it who I wanted to be in the world.

 Eventually I passed through that period, with a lot of help from my friends-- but lately I have been finding myself looking again at the question "What should I do when people either deliberately and with intent, or stupidly out of their "ignorance," strike against me or hurt me or try take what is mine without permission, whether that be a thing, a person I love, or my name and reputation."

 My response to that question and my response to such acts is often that I want to go back to ignoring other people’s offenses against me, because it is easier and seems safer.  But, as soon as I think that thought, another part of me comes forward that wants to retaliate.  Neither seemed like an effective, workable solution in the past, nor did they appear to be that now. I wasn’t sure where to go with my quandary about how to deal with againstness when it was coming at me.

 Then one day I was in the midst of listening to an ex-tenant whining at me about why he had broken his lease AND trashed my house, and I saw that I had a CHOICE of how I responded.  I could continue to be "nice" and understanding in that dishonest way I was doing-- or I could fly in the RAGE I was feeling underneath as he spoke.  Neither seemed appropriate in the situation.  Neither seemed like who I wanted to be. I decided I needed to find another solution/course of action. A quote from some poster I had seen came to mind—“If being good isn’t working, try being outrageous!”

 Suddenly, I was absolutely clear that I needed to stop the internal and external flow of what was going on. So -- for that moment I simply chose to step out of the situation- that is I hung up on my ex-tenant (which I grant you was kind of an extreme response-- but this was my first time trying to change this dichotomous pattern of either doormat or rageful bitch, so it is okay that I did it awkwardly, and perhaps poorly!  I forgave myself :-])  But/and it was an excellent move for me to simply choose not to continue to move forward with the situation as it was unfolding, and not to react in either of the unempowered and/or unempowering ways I was being drawn into.

 Then, after some thought about what I needed to do to be in the inner state I wanted to be in as I handled the situation, I meditated for a while and then took a walk. When I felt more calm and neutral, I emailed my ex-tenant that I had no desire to speak to him.  I said that I was not happy that he had broken his word and our lease repeatedly, and that he had trashed my property and left me in a bad position financially.  I also told him that I would decide in my own time what to do about all that legally.  I was absolutely clear with him that I did not care to listen to his manipulative whining any more nor to be part of the way he shystered his way through life-- and I told him not to call me again. 

That felt GREAT!!  I felt free of him and empowered in the situation.  I had been honest in expressing my anger-- AND, because I had chosen to "step back," I had been able to do that without abusing him and without being "mean" or vengeful.  I still had the situation to deal with, but I had given myself time to do that in the way I needed to for myself-- AND I had handled the situation in a way that did not leave me with "collateral damage" to clean up as sometimes happens when my long-repressed temper gets away from me!  I liked all that. 

 I also felt more at peace with the situation, because I had chosen my Peace when I had stepped out of BOTH the unempowered "make nice" act I was doing AND the over-empowered rage that was seething underneath.  I had simply said to myself and the Universe that neither of those was the state I wanted to be in-- and then acted accordingly, by behaving in a way that wasn’t exactly part of either of those states, and yet honored both of them. I had moved myself back to the place inside of me that is where I live when things are just normal and fine and no one is striking against me-- my Peace.  It was great.  I didn't have to decimate my "attacker"-- nor did I have to kiss his ass.  I just had to take care of ME.

 Anyway—lately, as I see so many people in so many societal circumstances and positions succumbing to anger, hatred and vengeance as a way of responding to the many life challenges we are currently facing, I find myself wishing for better for everyone.  I want us all the choose our Peace Model and ask ourselves, “What would Gandhi or Jesus or ML King do in this situation"?  Perhaps then everyone could start down the Peace Path, as I did when I was dealing with my ex-tenant.

 I found my own Answer. I chose my own Peace and was empowered by that. I believe we can all do that.