"Have-to's" vs "Must-do's"

 

“What is happiness except simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” ~Camus

I read a blog a few weeks ago that discussed the difference between activities that are "have-to’s”-- and activities one MUST-DO because one's INNER BEINGNESS demands it and/or is fulfilled by it and so drives one to do it. I had two reactions to this blog-- the first feeling was almost a sense of "offense" at this differentiation. Right now, I see a lot of people who can't feed their families or pay their mortgages. Those people are rightfully concerned about the have-to’s in their lives right now—they have-to pay their mortgage, get a job, feed their families, move on with their lives. I am sure they do not spend too much time contemplating what their Soul is calling them to do . . . what they must do to feel fulfilled at the highest level. These people are operating a lot in survival mode, or the lower levels of Maslow’s Pyramid of Needs. I felt a little bit like the commentary of the blog was directed at folks who already have all the basic life-sustaining resources-- and then some-- in place. It seemed a little uppity and pretentious to me, so I almost dismissed it.

But, after those initial thoughts and feelings passed through my mind, I realized that I had an additional, very deep conflict going on inside of me about the "must-do" vs. "have-to" concept. As I worked in my garden after reading the post, I noticed I was struggling to delineate what was meant by each of the phrases the author had chosen to use. I strained to determine which category the various situations of my own life fell into. I thought – “Well, my must-do, Soul-urged and Spirit-fulfilling activities are probably things like gardening, painting, writing, the way I love to counsel/coach people, dance, redecorate spaces or whatever. My have-to's are probably like when I was a single mom supporting my kids, with bills to pay and a house to run. The aspects of my work that aren't so much fun and are just the means to the end of getting a deal done or making the money might well qualify as have-to’s-- or perhaps things like cleaning the toilet and shower or taking care of my puppy dog's sore butt when she gets yet another urinary tract infection would meet the have-to criteria.

The terms have-to and must-do made sense when I looked at them from that perspective. And clearly, it is more fun to live a life directed by fulfilling one's INSPIRATION, rather than simply doing what one needs to do to survive and live. But, strangely, even with that cognitive understanding in place, I still felt conflicted about putting various situations of my life neatly into two categories like that. Something about it just didn't feel right.

Then, a day later, again, while working in my garden, I realized that I was conflicted with the labeling exercise because very little in my life falls into the have-to category anymore . . . no matter how mundane, unpleasant or "uninspiring" it seems. I was excited by this realization, but for a moment I didn’t understand how that could be so. As I reached to pull some pesky weeds, I realized the reason I have few have-to’s anymore is because I choose to do everything from my Heart and with Great Loving. The moment I make that choice and activate my Loving with whatever I am doing—the activity immediately becomes a must-do because it fulfills my Heart and my Loving. It feels no different inside of me to clean the toilet (or my dog's butt) with loving-- to do the least pleasant aspects of my work (or gardening) from a place of deep service—to or fulfill the lowest of my life responsibilities as though I were giving that as a gift to myself, others and Spirit, than it feels to paint that cool picture I envision-- or write that moving poem-- or meditate—or dance-- or reach out to those who come into my life asking for my advice and/or Wisdom about their life dilemmas-- or etc.. The reason it had been so difficult for me to divide my life activities into these two categories was because the things I do don't FEEL different to me. I could only make the have-to/must-do delineation in my HEAD—not my HEART!

The only MUST-DO in my life at this point is to Love and be Loving. THAT drives everything I do and transforms everything I am involved with. It even transforms a “have-to” to a must-do.” My Heart sings through every activity as long as I am fulfilling the Loving inside of me—as long as I know myself to be Divine and every activity I participate with to be a Holy event. It isn't WHAT I do that is a MUST, but rather HOW I choose to do it that makes a difference. Choosing that HOW is what drives and inspires me these days.

Life is not always easy or fun, nor filled with “first choice” activities-- but regardless of that, I can always CHOOSE LOVE. That is, ultimately, a MUST-DO for all of us!